Hillary Crosley Says What We Are All Thinking (AKA WE ARE NOT IDIOTS)

Forgive me if this sounds a bit all over the place, but I’m still recovering from reading this:

Hollywood Promises Female Director forExpendaBelles, Hires Man

And, admittedly, that is not shocking. Not even a little. Happens all the time. I’m still working my way to the WTF??!!!!!??? part.

Oh. Here it is! A Synopsis:

When America’s Navy SEALs are wiped out trying to penetrate the island lair of a deadly despot who has captured one of the world’s top nuclear scientists, it becomes clear that there is no such thing as the right man for the job and that this is a mission so impossible that only women can handle it. The only way in: some of the world’s deadliest female operatives must pose as high-class call-girls shipped in by private plane to satisfy a dictator–and instead save the scientist and the day.

Oh. Wow.

The plot of the ExpendaBelles (which is a classy enough title alone, let’s face it) has the kick-ass heroes posing AS HIGH-CLASS CALL GIRLS. Folks, the shitty run-on sentence in the middle of that shit idea DOES NOT HELP IT. AT ALL.

WE CAN STILL SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING. WE ARE NOT IDIOTS.

Ask yourself- has a hero male in an action flick EVER posed as a prostitute? LITERALLY, EVER!? DID I MISS SOMETHING?!

You wanna know what’s wrong with women in movies. THIS. THIS IS IT. We can do better. We have to. We are half the population. We cannot seriously be spoon feeding this shit to our daughters, our sisters, our mothers. No more. Tired of it. Done.

Listen to @MysteryExec already. It’s time. Be The fucking Change.

The More Things Change

Another day, another remake/reboot/sequel/prequel gets the green light.

For example, at 10:22 am on November 18th, Variety’s Jon Weisman takes the stance that originals are still outpacing remakes and that work gets remade for stage often, so why not in film and TV? A fairly short, but level insight into the process, cleverly titled In Defense of the Offense of Remakes

… Of course, that balance all comes crashing down just about an hour later, when Variety also exclusively reports that someone somewhere is producing a sequel to It’s A Wonderful Life.

Kaboom.

In fact, a lot of the remakes/reboots/sequels/prequels that people buzz about seem to be things no one has ever asked for. For example, I’ve never heard a single person say “I really think someone should remake Point Break!” Why? Because Point Break is a perfect movie. Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze? Perfect. Bank robbing presidents? Done. Running and jumping and surfing and skydiving? Totally. Nothing anyone could do to it could possibly make it better.*

(*Except maybe Edgar Wright. He made Point Break the slightest shade of different-as-better and called it Hot Fuzz. But, apparently, that’s still not good enough…)

The argument could be made that, when a great filmmaker has an interesting take on existing work, why shouldn’t they take a shot at putting their own stamp on it?

As for the Wonderful Life sequel, there was what appears to be a trailer released for this project (found on The Film Stage) where the voiceover (after the part about it being in 3D) includes this nugget:

“…George Bailey’s grandson is forever changed (when) his Aunt Zuzu comes back as an angel and shows him how much better the world would have been had he never been born…”

Now… now wait just a minute… Is this some dark take on the angel tale? Is someone planning to take the Bailey clan down the dark path the great Frank Capra himself traveled in post-war america? Will probing questions about HUAC shape the narrative? Or will this be an exploration of Capra’s own disillusionment about films and the commercial interests that he rallied against?

Or was that just an error in the voiceover?

Either way, surely there will be more depressing remake/reboot/sequel/prequel again tomorrow. Le sigh.